Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
