she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
