Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
