He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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