You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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