she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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