I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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