Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
