The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
