Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
