My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
