I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
