just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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