I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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