wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
