well I can't set my house on fire every night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize