THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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