you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He shit in the fireplace
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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