of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
