let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
