I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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