I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize