Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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