My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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