Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
