We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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