Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
