I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize