so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
