I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
