hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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