we have pet lesbian snakes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
