I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone came in the potted fern
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
