I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
