Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
