I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
