Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
