yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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