tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
