Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
