my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
