Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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