saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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