She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
