so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
