Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
