My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
