I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
