I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
