And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize