Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
