i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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