So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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