he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize