i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
