How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
