in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
