you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
