Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
