I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize