Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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