Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize