You're a womanizer and a bitch.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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