i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
