ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
