People in love make me want to vomit
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
