A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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