Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
