I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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