If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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