After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
