community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
