sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize